Old memories can be a perpetual reminder of a failed marriage that causes mental scaring. Not only for the parents, but also for the kids. Which in many situations is a hinderance to blending that never gets spoken about. You can’t pray away, nor get enough therapy to erase the pain of losing your fam bruh! It’s difficult, damn near impossible to remain completely loyal in building a new fam, when you continue to have random memories that “pull” you back to your old joint! Not only is it difficult, but can be very intrusive when your lady asks you to talk about very personal experiences from your previous marriage. You don’t want your lady to get the impression that you’re hiding something, but you also don’t want to divulge any info that questions your commitment to the relationship. So, essentially dawgg, you have to deal with your s#%t alone in private.And that My G, is the real cost!
There is no feeling in the world like being isolated in your own head. Most men I know don’t talk about their hurts, and emotional pain. That’s considered to be soft, and weak. And a lot of us can’t afford “professional” therapy. But the truth of the matter is those memories evolve bruh! Sometimes they appear as dreams, sometimes as visions, and at worst, as imaginations that captivate your heart for a moment. You can’t tell your lady that you’ve been dreaming about your ex-wife (not unless you trying to die)! Those memories, and thoughts are never going away. My G, you have to be honest with yourself, and understand that the process of recovery includes renovating your mind.
While you’re dealing with your own memories, so is your lady. I was chillin with my lady the other night, and she was lamenting about her divorce – which has taken almost 10 years to complete. Not because there was some lingering feelings, but because the “cost” was far more than money. The difficulty in removing someone “legally” from your life has consequential impact on peripheral relationships. Not to mention the emotional fall out, which her daughter ultimately had to encounter. When you blend a family, and combine all of these “conflicting” experiences the “cost” becomes enormous! However, that enormous “cost” though, is what makes the new fam more meaningful.
When you divorce, and you have kids, it’s not just the parents divorcing, it’s the entire family! “Family Divorce” consumes without regard to age, income, race, or gender. The ability to identify this unique challenge early in the blending process is essential. My G, you have to discipline your thought-life, so that you can lead your new fam safely to restoration. When past memories invade your mind you have to quickly detach any emotional connection to occurs. I’m not saying become emotionally intolerant, but learn how to disassociate feelings from thoughts. As you practice this ability, you will become efficient in managing your memories.The more disciplined you become personally, the more capable you’ll become in leading the process of your fam’s healing. The “cost” maybe great, but the reward of your new fam is worth it!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!