encouragement,  Marriage,  Relationships

You’ve Got To Be A Better Man!

Reading Time: 3 minutes

There are times in your life where growth is required, and not optional. Many times we’re not as prepared for those “moments” as we probably would like to be. Nonetheless, we are forced to deal with the fact that we can’t stay in the same place forever. Most dudes I know love to advance, and look like they’re doing it big, but rarely like to do that “real” work to personally evolve. Dawgg, I know how it is! We as men love to look like we got it together, or appear to be “good,” when we know damn well we’re struggling – with something! It’s the coding of the culture of masculinity. We’re coded to be dominant, aggressive, in control, and win! But on the flip side, that can’t always be the formula. Especially in your relationship with your lady. That “code” don’t work on her. As a matter of fact, that’s where most of us f#%k up. Listen bruh, I’m not saying you got to be some simp n!gg@, always beggin your lady for permission to exist, but there is a “code” of conduct that we have to be “better” in to become more effective in relationships with our women! Being the Better Man is not only about being uber masculine, it’s also about initiating your own personal growth while maintaining your sense of belonging.

Lately I’ve been paying more attention to how I think about myself, and how intentional I am about being consistent with my life focus. I used to be so determined to be successful, and become this “great” man, that I lost a true sense of my own identity. I’ve spent years chasing a “phantom” of a man that only existed in my head. I portrayed that dude to the max! So much so that I embodied that “phantom” man, and embedded him in all of my relationships – including my relationship with my lady! We all have the person we think we are in our minds, but the truth is that person is rarely the person people experience on a daily basis. Especially with us as men, in regards to how we deal with the “ladies.” My G, be real, how often are you completely vulnerable with your lady? When do you ever let go of your ego, and just be your true self? At the end of the day, most of us dudes are “frontin” our a$$ off trying to be different than the n!gg@ we look at in the mirror everyday!

I had a revealing conversation the other day with my lady. I asked her to co-write a blog series with me that candidly discussed specific challenges we experienced within the first three years of blending our family. I developed the outline, and wrote the frame to each blog in the series. I was brutally honest in each post! My hope was that she would be compelled to reveal her raw emotions, and thoughts as well. After several weeks, we finally completed the blog series. I asked her how did she personally feel about the content. The question was ensued by a telling conversation that essentially revealed her personal indifference toward my character. Bruh, as a man, as a manly man, questioning a n!gg@’s character is almost like fightin’ words! While I was listening, I noticed the degree of calm, and reserve I was able to maintain. Although I shared my thoughts (all opposing of course), I understood that her words were merely her thoughts. I didn’t feel the need to “defend” myself, nor expose why she was “wrong.” Nor did I feel the need to rehash any old argument to “reillustrate” my “rightness.” I was the Better Man, and I knew I had “grown.”

Once our conversation was over, I went to the store. I thought about some of the character issues my lady had cited. Honestly, in the past, I would have dismissed everything she said. I’d learned not to give 2 s#%ts about what people thought about me as a protection mechanism when I was going through my divorce. But in this instance, her opinion mattered because she’s my lady. I value our relationship, and want to have solid character with my lady. Despite the differences in how she may evaluate character, my determination is always to be a solid dude (that’s my code!). My growth, and evolution as a man is motivated by being unapologetically authentic as a person, and living my truth with no regrets. Truthfully, our conversation made me realize that every “personal” battle I’ve endured over the last couple of years is starting the bear fruit. I’m no longer chasing the “phantom,” and embracing the man – the Better Man!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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