Blending Issues,  Marriage,  Relationships

I’m Scared of Getting Married…Again!

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I’m from that double “P.” For all of you who don’t know, that stands for Park Place – Norfolk, VA. I referenced my ‘hood to let you know ya boi ain’t no punk. But when it comes to saying them nuptials again, deep inside, I’m really petrified! The biggest issue for me is now I understand the degree of personal sacrifice that’s involve in joining your life with another human being. I focus so much on being a “daddy/parenting partner” that I often times forget that I’m a husband? When you’re in a cohabitational relationship there is a tendency deemphasize the matrimonial aspect of the relationship. So much attention is given to “blending” your family that it’s easy to lose that “feelin!” My G, I lost so much of myself going through my divorce, I really didn’t prepare to get married again. I was still angry, hurt, damaged, and mentally unstable during the entire 2 years it took to get divorced. During that time I was steady making relationship decisions that required a great degree of contemplation, and more importantly “time.” As much as I felt “stable” enough to decide to cohabitate with my lady, and be a “family,” I wasn’t completely conscience of the ramifications of my decisions. Honestly dawgg, the time between me separating from my ex-wife, and my lady moving in with me (the 2nd time) was a blur. I was entirely focused on redeeming myself with my lady, and proving that we could “blend” our family. I prioritized myself last, again, just like I did in my first marriage.

I was in the back yard a couple of days ago enjoying the fall weather. I love being outside. I decided to smoke a cigar, and work through a couple big decisions I needed to make in my mind. While I was enjoying my Don Diego I realized that I didn’t consider my “marriage” in none of my decision making. Even though I think about how my decisions will impact my fam, I never consider how “marriage” would alter the choices I make for “my life.” And then I was like “oh s#%t,” what’s gonna happen when we get married? Is she gonna expect me to run everything by her first before I make any final decisions? Or is my lady going to expect me to give her “extra” consideration because she’s the “wife” now? I’ve already been through the whole “wifey” rules thing! And I ain’t trying to relive that BS! Bruh, you know what I’m “talmbout” – that happy wife, happy life satanic doctrine! Nah, seriously though, I’m deafly scared of the manipulative dogma that seems to provide wives with right to be controlling, and unaccountable for their irresponsible tendencies. PreNup Pops or not, I can’t afford to “repeat” the same patterns that landed me in “Divorce Court.”

I suggested to my lady a year ago that we should have designated time we spend with each other. Not only to work out issues we maybe having, but time we purposely utilize to re-build the foundation of our relationship. “Blended” fams have a great deal more to contend with than 1st time marital couples. My G, it’s critical to establish with your lady the necessity to get rid of what she had going on with them baby dads mane! Spend time with your lady establishing your vision, and how you expect to function in your house. Be willing to take a little smoke from your lady if she opposes some of your assertion as the “man” of the house. Dawgg, you can’t expect her to respect your position as a husband, if you punk-out as a cohabitational partner.

After smoking my cigar, and “reviving” myself, I determined to be more balanced in my approach to blending my fam. There is no rush to get “anywhere.” As much as I hate wasting time, I hate losing time even more. When you lose time, you invest your energy in areas where there is no return. I choose how I involve myself into blending our household with discretion. Everything doesn’t require, or even deserve my “time.” Im learning as a PreNup Pops that just because I’m present in the fam, doesn’t mean I’m always available. I don’t have to respond, nor take on every matter that goes on in the house. Being a PeNup Pops, nor a husband for that matter, requires that I “take care” of everything. Being a husband is not my “job!” That’s the freedom of PreNup Pophood; your role is not dictated by a “contract,” but initiated by your love for your family. And that’s not anything you should be “scared” of!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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