My “ex-wife” and I have never been agreeable people. Which is part of the many reasons we’re no longer married. We both posses strong a commitment to raising our kids. Although, 3 are practically grown, we still have 2 minor children that I contribute financially through the infamous “child support system.” Please hear me, I have no issue with providing financial support to assist with offsetting the expense of caring for the kids. I never want to see my kid’s mother struggle financially because she is overburdened with financially supporting the kids alone. We may not be together anymore, but I care enough about her to not want to see her deprived financially. I “thought’ we both mutually shared that sentiment for one another. She sure tricked my a$$ on that s#%t! She has told me on numerous occasions that she don’t want to see me doing “bad,” but also has been less than cooperative with this child support issue. As a man, I principally feel that I’m not being responsible if I fail to establish my financial independency. In my upcoming book “X Laws of a PreNup Pops,” I write extensively about never depending on your woman (wife) for financial support of any kind. It’s the trap, in my opinion, that many men fail to acknowledge as their biggest hinderance to achieving personal attainment!
Ok, back to the subject at hand. When my ex-wife, and I separated we agreed to $400 a month for child support. She knew what my salary was at that time, and was fully aware that I was still paying for 2 car notes, a mortgage, and credit card debt that we had together. So there were months where I didn’t have 4 stacks, but I gave her what I could. As you can imagine we argued every time she didn’t receive the full amount. She even suggested that I get a part-time job! So, she decided to put me in the “system.” For all you who don’t know, you have NO recourse as a man to prohibit your kid’s mother from putting them papers on you (period)! If you’re truly the paternal parent to them kids, your a$$ in on the hook for whatever the “system” determines is your obligation. That’s it! No attorney in the world can keep your a$$ out the system.
I wrote letters to the State DCSE office to plead my case. I was summonsed to the local DCSE office, and I was treated like a parolee. One of the intake workers literally stated that I “dressed like I had money.” Then it was determined, base on the number of kids I had, and my salary, that I owed $1200 a month for child support. The intake worker went on to say that based on the car I drove, and the salary I made at the time, I should have no problem paying CS. I was furious, and dead set on not giving that (you know what) a damn dime! I went to court to have my case reviewed by a judge. By this time I had move out, and on! At the court hearing I explained to the judge that my ex-wife
works, and doesn’t pay any rent! It was discovered at that time that she had not submitted any verification of her income. After the judge chastised me like a child , she “ordered” me pay $700 a month in CS like she was doing me a favor! I explained that we agreed on $400 a month. The judge stated according to the “state” the recommended amount was $697, so she rounded it to $700.
I didn’t pay damn dime of child support! I continued to argue with my kid’s mother to close the case. Now I had my own rent to pay. She didn’t care 2 s#%ts about the fact that my transition cost “money.” I didn’t have any assistance in reestablishing my life. I “bootstrapped” for 2 years. During that time DSCE froze all 5 of my bank accounts. I leveraged my credit to buy time until I could “catch” up financially. I broke all kinds of financial principles trying to maintain. “You can only float rent so long.” I struggled tremendously, My G! My Benz was repossessed, I defaulted on credit lines, I spent all my savings, and was evicted (on several occasions). The woman I had literally taken care of for almost 17 years, watched her kid’s father struggle to survive, while she benefited from help from “my own” family. Every time I “hustled” up money, DCSE would garnished the money from my accounts. There were times my paycheck would be less than $10 because DCSE garnished that s#%t. My CS order stated that DSCE was to garnish my wages, and not allow voluntary payments. I was so depressed that I became bitter. On top of all that, my kid’s mom wouldn’t allow my baby girl to visit! I was angry all the time. My bitterness was intensified by my kid’s momz passive aggressive foolishness! From hanging up on me when I would try to work out visitation, to blocking my text messages, to telling the “repo man” where I lived! She was the nemesis to my life, but I endured. I was determined to not let her, nor the BS I was going through break me!
My divorce was finalized two and half years after our separation. A year prior to the divorce I created a Marital Separation agreement that included CS, again, to be $400. By this time I landed a corporate gig that paid decent money. However, CS was still hittin’ me for $700 plus and additional $100 for arrears a month. My kid’s mother would even kick back $300 out her personal account to offset the difference just so she wouldn’t have to reveal to DCSE that she didn’t need $700. Bruh, I couldn’t catch a break – until this year!
I was done with chasing checks just for it to (be taken) all away! So, I started my own publishing company, and wrote my first book. In the meanwhile my arrears continued to accumulate. I owed over 10 bands in arrears. Several months after the divorce went final, I realized that CS wasn’t reduced on my case. I called my case worker, and got her voicemail (as usual). I called my ex-wife and requested that she get this s#%t straight. A month later I was summonsed again to the DCSE office. I asked my ex-wife did she know what was going on, and she stated that she had the CS reduced, and the arrears removed because it wasn’t “like she was missin’ the money” (her words not mine). I went to the DCSE office, and the intake worker stated that according their records a order was submitted in 2015 for my CS to be reduced from the original $1200 to $400, and I had been overcharged for almost 3 years. Additionally, since my divorce was finally, a review of my case was conducted, and my arrears was vacated because of DCSE’s error. (Not because of my lying a$$ kid’s momz) The intake worker also stated that I have overpaid in CS for 18 months. As grateful as I was, I was still furious!
I lost a great deal of “life equity” behind this CS foolishness. From garnishments of wages, tax returns, lost opportunities, and the degradation of my mind. But My G, I held on! I persevered, and continued to fight for myself. I want my brothas who are in the struggle to know you can make it despite the pain, hardship, and struggle. Even when it looks like there is no way out, you have to have faith in yourself! You are not your mistakes. You have value, and your life has purpose. Don’t let your situation cause you to despair, and lose hope! Look within yourself, and know you have within you all you need to overcome whatever challenges you face. Don’t let bitterness define your reality. Know that your reality is framed by your thoughts. You have to force yourself to “see” a better life. You have the strength to change your reality through the power of your mind. Invest in yourself, commune with likeminded people, and maximize the “talents” you’ve been given to “be” better and not bitter!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!