Blending Issues,  PreNup Pop,  Step-family

It’s in the “Tank”

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Blending a fam is not an easy task. As a man I believe I can accomplish anything I set my mind to achieve, as a dad though, not as much (anymore)! I’ve since learned that, after being in the parenting game for 22 years, there is always more to learn as a parent. I love being a Pops. I thrive from seeing my seedlings develop under my parenting. However, I started noticing that my seedlings were becoming “used” to my parenting style, and didn’t respond as quickly to the influence of my presence. I grew up in a single parent household led by my mother, and she was a strict disciplinarian. We she spoke, you moved (that simple)! My momz “heavy hand” provided a good dose of fear, but no structure. I wouldn’t say I was “wild”, but I damn sure gave my momz a run for her money! With no father in the home I really didn’t have that voice of discipline that I respected from a male perspective. My momz could sense that some of my excessive energy was in part due to a lack of fatherly influence and order.  So as a parent, I work hard to provide a structured household, that enables the kids to be disciplined in a constructive manner.

I decided early in our blending process that we would have dinner together as a fam every week night, and each person would share about their day. I have to admit it was grueling at first. At the time my youngest seedling was 3, so my fiancee and I would have to assist her tell “a” story. Most of the time she would mix her days up, or tell us about a dream that she claim was real for like 20 minutes! Then the kids started arguing over who would share their day last. It became quite a chore to “manage” the dinner conversation, but they were invested and took ownership of our time together. We moved quite a bit in our first couple of years as fam. It was tough to maintain our dinner structure, but we did. Often times my fiancee would invite (more like self-invite) her cousin along with her 3 year old to dinner. Our dinner conversations expanded, and got crazier! My fiancee’s cousin provided depth to our conversations, and gave her kids a sense of belonging. Although I didn’t like the frequency of her cousin’s dinner visits, I appreciated the kindred energy she invested in our household. Every time I looked up, her cuzzo was at my table. (I started to claim that a$$ on my taxes) My fiancee also benefited because now the stress of the blending process was offset by her close relationship with her cousin.  But our relationships became closer, and we were finally realizing growth as a fam (literally). My baby boy was born a year into our blending. We didn’t miss a beat with adding lil mane! Whether it was a car carrier, or a high chair, he was right at the table with us. It seemed we had discovered a safe, consistent, place to build as a household – the dinner table!

…we love and eat a lot of food!!!

As our fam grew, so did our need for space. Due to some unforeseen issues, we moved to a larger home in a different city. You would think good for us right? But now, the kids lived in a new neighborhood, with different schools, and further away from family. Just as we were finding our stride, we incorporated a new dinner dynamic to accommodate our “transition” – the television! Let me tell you something fam, do you know how hard it is for 5 people to agree on something to watch?! Oh My God! We went from a fun, lively dinner, to an angry “I don’t ever get to watch what I like” disfunction!It felt like we digressed in our unity, and dinner became a task! As much as the kids (really all of us) love to eat, the food became an obstacle, and hinderance to our blissful blending. Until one night, after desperately surfing every “appropriate” channel I find on my Fios package, we stubbled upon Shark Tank! I was a Business Management major in school, and I own a business, so of course Shark Tank was a no brainer for my interest. But what I didn’t anticipate was how much the kids would enjoy “critiquing” the ideas, and business proposals of the contestants.  We laughed, debated, and shared our own entrepreneurial aspirations with each other. We even critiqued (more like criticized) each Shark when we felt they blew a good opportunity to make a deal! We were back to having fun conversation that also became educational, and engaging at the same time.

I love my fam! As a PreNup Pops (a prenuptial full-time father), I take complete ownership in leading the blending process of our household. I do my best not to exclude any of the bio-parents, while forging forward with raising a healthy loving family. Despite having adults kids, and gaining a ton of parenting experience, I still embrace the challenge of realizing my full potential as a dad. It’s imperative to invest in your personal growth as a man to ensure there is sustained development as a father. My drive and determination is fueled by my belief that fatherhood is a privilege. I’m thankful to have been afforded the opportunity to impart the wisdom of life in the heart of my step-seedlings. Although, I have experienced moments of difficulty in the blending of our family, I have remained committed to the vision of building a strong black family that reflects the radiant beauty of “all” our past experiences in life!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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