Co-Parenting,  Relationships

She Thinks I Protect My EX-wife Over Her!

Reading Time: 6 minutes

My G, don’t let your lady beat you across the head, and guilt you into thinking that you are wrong for protecting your relationship with your kids. Nothing in this world should be more important to you than having a healthy, loving, relevant relationship with your seeds. You were blessed to be a father regardless of the circumstances that produced that child. Man-to-man, father-to-father, don’t give in to any pressure from anybody that attempts to disrupt your ability to father your kids. Those kids have your last name. Stand strong and be about your kids on whatever level you can. I don’t give 2 s#%ts who doesn’t like it, nor what you have to do to endure! You can get through any challenge, even at the expense of being alone. It’s only when you resolve within yourself that you are willing to be alone, and stand for yourself, that you can determine what the shezznic is best for you! When you figure out what is best for you, then you can determine how to partner with your lady to resolve any “boundary” issues with your ex-wife. Until then, you’re just gonna be reacting to whatever you feel like your lady wants! I’m telling you My G, she will drive your a$$ crazy, if you don’t take time to completely understand your role, and know the limitations of your own capabilities. Without a firm understanding of your capabilities, and role, you will never be effective in managing the relationship you have between your co-parent, baby momma, ex-wife, or whoever and your lady. So let me hit you with a couple juwelz to consider.

Your #1 priority should always be YOU! – Listen to me, and listen to me good! You are a MAN, and the person you always have to be accountable to first is you, My G! When you can’t determine your own truth, and know how to direct your own life, you can’t foster a mutually benefiting, healthy relationship with your lady, nor anybody else. Do not depend on anyone to determine for you what is best for your life. Discipline yourself to critically think through your own problems, and determine what YOU need to attain self-sufficiency and happiness.

You are the common denominator between your kid’s mother, and your lady. If you’re not mentally and emotionally healthy, you will not be able to facilitate, nor broker that relationship (period)! Understand that each woman wants to leverage their influence with you to ensure their interest, position, and agenda is always YOUR priority no matter what! Neither woman cares about the other’s feelings, issues, concerns, nor problems. And each woman (if they are honest), wants you to act as their “protector” whenever a conflict of interest arises. The kids, you, nor any circumstance is important to neither woman if they feel any degree of “personal” disrespect. So, it is critical for you, My G, to never make neither woman’s personal conflict your problem to solve. Bruh, you’re not their “daddy!” These women need to learn how to figure out, and solve their own personal problems. That’s not your job! Don’t let your woman, nor your kid’s mother depend on you to do what they should be able to do for themselves!

Don’t compromise your co-parenting relationship! – This one is going to be tough My G to accomplish because it takes a great deal of time, effort, and patience. Your co-parenting relationship is essential to accessing your kids. If your co-parenting relationship is unhealthy, or poor, it’s going to compromise your access to your children. Secure your co-parenting relationship to establish equity, and value in the relationship you have with your “kids.” Your kids are the greatest influence with their mother, not YOU, and damn sure not your lady! Therefor be strategic in how you engage your kids, so as to foster a strong bond that will provide the influence you need with their momz. Don’t let your compulsion to to “fair”, and non-confrontational be taken advantage of My G! Your kid’s mother has an agenda, and a plan that she is determined to execute. So please be sure that you have to be equally as intensional about your interest as a Dad!

There will be times when your lady don’t understand, agree, nor trust your decisions regarding your co-parenting relationship. There will always be some decision that your lady will question. So get used to it! That ish ain’t never gonna change I don’t care how much y’all argue about it! What’s critically important is that you establish clear, sensible (I emphasize sensible), measurable, practical boundaries to facilitate your co-parenting relationship. It’s important that you establish the boundaries because it will be you that will have to enforce them if they are not respected. You won’t be able to fully enforce something you aren’t comfortable with. Get your lady’s input, but DON’T let her pivot you into a compromising position that agitates your kid’s momz for the sake of flexin’ – that’s bulls#%t! Don’t tolerate it on any level. Let your lady be privy when you have boundary discussions with your kid’s momz, so that she can be assured her position is valued, respected, and protected!

Empower your woman to be an equal parenting partner! – Bruh, I’m telling you now, you have to provide your lady with a clear vision of her position as a parent to your bio-kid(s), and an equal partner regarding your baby momz. What is semantically critical here is that because of the (intimate) history you have with your kid’s mother, you have to ensure all (potential) trust issues are addressed with your lady. She has to feel that you’re being one hun’d in your dealings with “baby momz”, and that you have no residual feelings that will compromise your co-parenting relationship. And if your kid’s momz would be honest, she mostly likely has some challenges with seeing you with another woman, especially a women “she” don’t feelis “all that! Bruh, it is what it is! I remember having an argument with my ex-wife about her not allowing my daughter to come to my house, and after about 10 minutes of screaming, she yells “…y’all probably over there having sex too!!!” I had informed her in an earlier conversation that I (we) was expecting, so it was to say the least, very awkward, [although my lady and I laugh about it now] but more importantly revealing of her hidden feelings that were impacting our co-parenting relationship. There are always residual feelings in some form or another – for everybody!

Ensure that your woman is fully involved in your co-parenting relationship. Even if your kid’s momz don’t like your lady, or is uncordial to your woman, if your lady is important enough to you to be in your kid’s life, then she deserves the right to recognized, respected, and protected! It’s your responsibility to empower your lady to function as an equal partner in your co-parenting relationship. If your kid’s momz attempts, or flat out disregards your lady as an equal co-parent, then you have to correct that problem at all cost, My G! If you don’t, your baby momz will hold you hostage, and destroy any confidence your lady has in your competency to lead, protect, and secure her position! I don’t give 2 s#%ts what your kid’s momz threaten you with, nor attempts to disrupt in your life. That relationship on a personal level is over! It would be nice to be friends, but if she don’t f#%k with your lady, then she shouldn’t be allowed to get with you (period)! This is why it is critically important to empower your woman, so that she don’t f#%k up your s#%t! Take your time to educate your lady of the etiquettes of the game. Her help understand how you move, and where you have to be “demonstrative” with baby momz over some bulls#%t, let her see/hear s#%t that as well. Protect her by being wise on how you facilitate your co-parenting relationship. Your lady deserves to be treated like the Queen that she is My G! It’s imperative that she knows unequivocally that you will NEVER allow your baby momz to dethrone her for s#%t!

Trust me My G, I understand how tough that can be to execute. Our seeds, real talk, are all we have in this world, and if you’re like me, you don’t want to let them down. But “we” have to be accountable for our choices, including, who we have kids with, and who we lay down with. That’s on us bruh! So let’s make it do what it do, take care of our kids, and love our Queens to life! – Holla!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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