When Love is Not Enough…

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BookPageFeaturePicMost of my post focus on the entire fam. What I’ve come to realize is that the parent relationship in a blended household is the most important relationship in house. You can work as hard as you want to ensure that the kids are adjusting well, or that the non-custodial parents are involved, or the step-seedlings are getting along with each other, if you don’t keep the parent relationship vibrant and healthy, you WILL struggle (period)! I’ve have often said that when you fail to grow personally, you can’t grow as a parent. I don’t care how many books you read, how many seminars you attend, nor how much of that Peter Popoff Miracle Water you use, you have to evolve as a person, and continue to invest in your relationship with your boo! I know that couples will have bumps along the road, but when you’re having big a$$ pot holes on your road consistently, it’s time to reevaluate. The truth of the matter is the love you share with your shorty can’t fix them damn pot holes alone. It takes patience, and hard work to fix them s#%ts – real talk! And if you’re like me, you don’t want anything to jack-up your damn ride.

My lady and I like to unwind in the afternoons with a glass of wine (or 2, 3 – well you get what I mean). We often times take those moments to talk, “hang out”, and just enjoy each other’s company. Both of us enjoy maxin’ and relaxin’, especially after a long day with the kids, or a cray cray day at work. Sometimes we’ll use that time to address family issues, or disagreements we may have with each other. My lady has a double barrel shot gun for a tongue, so I have to be cautions when I initiate convos I know are going to be “iffy.” I have a pretty hefty dose of that testosterone, so when she get to bussin’, my David Banner turns into “that” big green dude! It’s not so much that we argue, it’s just that them joints get so intense My G! And every time one of us say “I don’t want to argue,” that be the same convo that ends in somebody gettin’ cuss the f#%k out! I’m telling you dawgg, these arguments sound like somebody ’bout to get murked at any moment! After having what I felt was categorically the worse argument we’ve had to date, I thought, how can 2 people that are in love talk to each other this way?

My Brotha, I was at a point that I was emotionally fatigued, and totally disenchanted with our relationship. Nah, let me keep it a buck wit you, I was past my “non-physical” threshold, and was ready to “put hands” on my lady. I was able to keep my composure enough to remove myself from the argument, and take my a$$ to bed. I’m so thankful to God when those moments pass, because I know all it takes is one wrong move, and both our lives, including our family, would be affected forever. Don’t get me wrong, I love my lady, but that double barrel shotty in her mouth is more deadly than any physical altercation. And as much as I believe my lady loves me, it’s difficult to maintain a thriving relationship, when there is such a lack of discipline to resolve conflicts peacefully. My G I had to reevaluate, and realize that love alone is not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

I began to practice meditation along with prayer a little while ago. I even recited personal affirmations I created at the end of my meditation time. I can’t tell you that we never had arguments during those times, but they were no where near as intense, and the recover time after a blow-out was significantly less. I believe in the power of prayer, but I trust the ability to self-correct through emotional discipline, and effective communication more. We can achieve far more as a couple when we both practice emotional temperance, and exercise discipline in our communication. The real work is growing together, and holding each other accountable to growing personally. That’s more than love, that’s valuing your boo as a person, and cultivating a mutually benefiting relationship. Although my lady and I still don’t agree on every specific thing, we genuinely want to see each other personally prosper. When we thrive individually, we thrive together, and that’s all love!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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