Divorce

Honestly, I Learned the “Game” From My Dad! – ijs!!!

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A couple of weeks ago my sister and lil brother came by the house for a visit. It was a pleasant night, so we sat outside and chopped it up until like 2 in the morning. My Sister is 20151024_153504my step mom’s daughter, and my lil bro is my dad’s joint from the same mom as my step sister. So blendedness is in my D.N.A.! After we had a couple of drinks, I started talking to my brother about how dad took me downtown one night when I was in High School to pick up hookers on Church St. We never picked any skeezas, but I was just letting my little brother know that dad put me up on game about these chics since forever! I remember being 5 years old going with my dad to play with his side chic kids while my momz was at work. Even though at 5 I could tell that s#%t won’t right, it was my dad though, and as far as I was concerned my dad could do no wrong. My dad had my middle brother while still married to my momz. And from what I understand he asked my momz to accept my brother as a new “blended” option to our family. Although, my Pops ended up marrying his “side chic”, my introduction to the “game” has essentially been imparted in me since birth! My association with “cheating” was so normalized that I thought that’s how marriage and family worked. You get married, get you a “faithful” side piece (mistress), and have your kids. Simple! All the men that I knew did the same thing. All my uncles, their home boys, my friend’s Pops from the hood – I mean it was the unspoken code of manhood, My G!

When I started hollering at the “honies” I remembered all the lessons I learned from my OG’s! I’ve always had multiple honies at one time. I remember my best friend’s Pops telling us that he don’t have to chase them drawls, because he get his p#%y from one place. And then turned around and took us to his side jank house out Roberts Park, and left us in the truck for like 2 hours – at night Yo! Cheating was not just a way of life, but an intrinsic part of my existence as a man! I was groomed to be a natural cheater for life “B!”

Once I got married, and introduced to true Christianity, a great deal of my ideals regarding relationship were “challenged,” but not “changed.” The biggest fundamental law I never abandoned was the 1# rule to the game – NEVER TRUST A WOMAN – EVER!!! From that premise I based all my dealings with every woman – including my own mother! Although for the 1st 16 years of my marriage I never cheated on my ex-wife, that dawgg was still in me. Whenever I would get around women my “talk game” automatically kicked in. And I had an affinity for older women, which allowed me to craft my sophistication beyond my years! So although I wasn’t a “cheating” man, I knew it was just a matter of time and opportunity before I caught up in the game. In 2009 I relocated back to the V.A. I moved back in March of that year, and I was happy to be on the home front again. And then,  it started happening! I started seeing all the old janks I used to f#%k with around the way. I was like “my n#gg@ you not gone make it”! I lasted 3 years before I dipped outside my marriage. Even though I never “hit” the first jank, I felt like all those years of “schoolin'” came back like “Training Day” with Denzel! Even though my ex-wife and I were already having problems, it became obvious that me, nor my ex-wife wanted to “truly” regain our marriage. We was in that s#%t for the security and the kids.

At this point in my life as a divorced man, having raised 3 adult kids, raising 3 more, rebuilding my life, emotionally, spiritually and most of all financially, I’ve come to terms with my “upbringing.” Life is about choices. No one has the right, nor should you allow anyone the opportunity, to take away your ability to make decisions. Decision making is essential to your ability be independent. When you love yourself first, and posses the courage to make “decisions” that are best for you, you acquire the power to be independent. And that’s what none of the men I grew up with seemed to properly utilize. They created situations and relationships that exploited other people’s inability to own their choices. As much as I love and respect all of the men I grew up around, I now realize that owning my decisions, and being accountable for the outcome of those decisions is the foundation to authentic manhood. Although, I followed the path of infidelity, I challenge myself daily to prioritize myself first above all others. I love myself enough not to “cheat” on my lady, not because of her, but because the requirement of my independence demands that I be accountable for my decisions. I don’t cheat because I’m accountable to myself! I love myself! I respect myself! And that’s cool because now I get to impart a new “game” into my son – called FREEDOM!

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