DADS…if you’re dealing with baby momz craziness, remember that there is only so much time you have with your kids. Don’t allow ANYONE, including your kid’s momz to hinder your relationship with YOUR kids. I know it maybe difficult because it seems like no one understands your pain as a man, and that’s mostly the case, but I’m here to tell you that you can beat that s#%t! You are strong enough, and courageous enough to Man Up and overcome! I know you can do it, because I’m doing it everyday! – Holla at Me!
This year has been a better parenting year for our blended family. Last year (year 2 of blending) was filled with major issues that really challenged our resolve as a household. I believe our family has grown, and become more cohesive as a result of our resilient spirit. Yet still there are challenges that we wrestle with as we continue to build as a multi-kindred family. I realize that there will always be issues to contend with, but I am encouraged by the progress my fam bam is making – I think!
My visitation schedule for my bio-kids has been agreed upon on paper, but has not been very consistent over the last 2 years. But the last 3 and half months have been much better. I pick up my youngest bio-daughter up from school twice a week, and have her every other weekend. Recently, I volunteered to reduce the weekends to just Sunday, to deal with a very subversive issue. My daughter is having transitional issues with where she fits in between both households. It’s been difficult for me to see her struggle through understanding her place, and loyalties between households. I feel completely vulnerable to a great degree because my daughter doesn’t have any challenges with “our” relationship, but with her mother and my fiance.
My daughter recently started asking typical questions about me and her momz not being together. However, she stated that I “hated” her mom, and that I don’t “like” her anymore. Which is not the case at all. She has often stated that she wants to live with me, and not leave when it’s time to return home after her visit is over. She is even inquiring about what to call my fiance, and stating that my step seedlings are her sisters now. All of which is natural, but there is one BIG issue. My ex-wife refuses to engage my fiance– onANY LEVEL AT ALL! My ex-wife never speaks to my fiance about nothing! She has stated on many of occasions that she doesn’t see the need to speak to “her” about anything. Even when we take my daughter home after a visit, my kid’s mom will peak past the front door to see if my fiance is in the car, and then step back real quick! I’m like “WE SEE YOU CRAZY!” I understand there maybe some discomfort about seeing your “replacement”, but that should not have anything to do with parenting. It’s makes it unnecessarily difficult to have a comprehensively open conversation with my daughter regarding her new family, in particular my fiance, especially when she can SEE that her momz and my fiance don’t speak at all!
My daughter deserves to be assured that she is welcomed and wanted in my household. And she deserves to have parents that will not undermine an already difficult transition because her parents (or momz in this case) is being difficult for personal reasons. My fiance has never wanted to be “Sisterwives” or Besties with my ex-wife! As a matter of fact she is cool with minimal contact outside of the kids. But since my kid’s momz is being so extreme with this ridiculous “boundary” it has been difficult for her to really embrace roll in my daughter’s life. And that’s where I become agitated with the entire fiasco. I can’t make 2 grown a$$ women do anything they don’t want to do. My fiance has tried to speak with my ex-wife, even though they’ve had a few minor “words” with each other. But in my opinion, holding such a tight grip on this “No Contact” boundary is foolish, and honestly embarrassing. My ex-wife got enough “sense” to know ain’t nobody trying to do nothing to her, or trying to infringe on her personal space. “We” (my fiance and I) just want to do what’s is in the best interest of “our” kids (period)!
So I decided that if my daughter’s momz is going to act a fool – let her! I care more about my daughter, and her being loved and valued than I do about how much time I get with her. I don’t EVER want my daughter to be a place where she is “tolerated and not celebrated.” She is precious to me, and I adore her little soul. I will never subject her to any treatment that doesn’t radiate the same beauty that emanates from her spirit. So I’m good with the time I see her. I don’t fight her momz, nor do I force anything in my household. That’s my daughter, and as a dad I will place my energy in building my relationship with her, instead of fighting BS’ness that will never add to the quality of time I spend with my daughter – so, I’m OK NOW!