It can be difficult as a PreNup Pops to see your lady deal with baby daddy craziness. To keep it one hun’ed I’m still not Gucci with my lady ‘fussin'” with any of her kid’s dads. I know ish comes up from time to time, but after a couple of years of co-parenting I can’t see why there be any reason for beefs. My fiance is a pretty informal and lenient co-parent. I tell her all the time her kid’s dads are lucky as hell to have such a chill baby momz. I wish to the Lord Jesus on High that my kid’s momz was half as understanding as she is as co-parent. So when I see my lady beefin’ with her kid’s dads, it’s difficult to keep my distance. Of course, when she asks for it, I give her advice and insight. But I pretty much remain in the background as long as she is being respected, and she doesn’t feel threatened in anyway. My role as a PreNup Pops is primarily a parenting “support” on the home front. I’ve always had difficulty letting the other dads deal with my lady when it appears there is tension or a problem. I used to feel like I’m always gonna have to deal with BS’ness from the dads, but it does get better My G – and that’s on the real!
Last weekend a lil issue broke out with my fiance and her youngest child’s father. My fiance usually keeps issues to herself when she is dealing with ish from the dads. I used to think she was hiding ish, and being sneaky. But that’s just how she handle business. Thursday morning she was a little more quiet than she normally is, and I asked her what was up? All of a sudden she went into this long oration about an issue with her daughter’s pops As I sat and listen patiently to her lament, I noticed that I wasn’t as annoyed and agitated as I used to be at the dad. On some realness, me and this particular dad have come a long way. Especially, if we gonna be technical about it, my relationship with my fiance “overlapped” his relationship her a couple of years back. He and I never spoke on it, and I guess at this point it’s really not a factor – at least in my mind!
We got too many damn problems as separated dads with these bitter a$$ momz to be making it more difficult for each other.
After my fiance vented her frustration, I assured her that I understood her perspective, but I also offered insight from a father’s perspective. It’s important to me that I never devalue the role of each dad, in particular because I feel compelled to ensure that fatherhood in general is protected. Truth be told, I advocate for both her kid’s dads a great deal. There are plenty of conflicts that I have actually defended the fathers to my fiance. So I really don’t have a great degree of patience for pettiness, but that wasn’t the case in this instance. My fiance sent me screen shots of the “text” argument they were having, and without me saying so, she could tell I was disappointed with her. I always admonish her to handle conflicts with these men with class. I do my best to encourage my fiance to critically think through baby daddy problems, and not become emotional even when communication breaks down. She is an excellent mother, and deserves to be respect. So I never want her to forfeit leverage by actin’ a fool because she’s frustrated with one of the dads.
So last Friday or Saturday she told me that she apologized to her kid’s dad. I was shocked, and somewhat side ways about it because she don’t be offering me no apologies. But I let that go – not really! Anyway, I was left to make pick up arrangements with the dad. I contacted my man, and set things up. When I met him at the pick up site, I asked him could we speak for moment. I assured him that I understood his position as a non-custodial father. I also let him know that I was always available to assistance him gain “more” access to his daughter. I wanted to holla at my man because I know his difficulty, and I’m on some real positive manly vibe right now! I want to see fathers win bruh! And if I can help this man be a better dad, or get more quality time with his daughter, I got his back! I’m about empowerment, not no foolishness.
After I dropped lil momma off, I reflected for a moment. I thought back to when just seeing this dude made me real “contentious” mane! I used to hate doing the drop offs and pick ups, but know I’ve grown, we’ve grown as dads. And I can Big Up my man for being chill and listening, and even apologizing for his part in the beef. I respect that, and I hope that we can continue to build some real G s#%t! As a PreNup Pops you got to grow because parenting doesn’t stand still. Either you’re getting worst or getting better! I choose to get better! Holla!