Relationships

Toxic Communication

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I’m sure every family has dealt with poor communication issues. When you’re in a blended family communication habits from past relationships can severely hinder the blending process. Moreover having arguments as a cohabitation couple can be quite treacherous. You kinda don’t know how far is too far until well, you’ve gone too far! When you’re blending a fam without taking those nuptials it can be a very conspicuous. You never know when the next argument or family issue is going to lead to not just breaking up, but somebody moving out. The craziness about cohabitation with someone who doesn’t value marriage vows, or a “marriage” contract the same as you do is whether you’re married or not they’ll leave your a$$ with no consequence. So it makes the home environment very contentious when there are controversial issues that arise. And for blended families there are certain hot topic issues that can always lead to somebody s#%t getting put on the curb. That’s why communication is so critical, and essential to building a “safe” blended family household.

What words mean what?! It’s so insane to think about how misunderstandings arise simply because one person interprets a word(s) to mean something different than what was intended. I’m so sick of arguments that start from not saying the “right” thing. I mean after being together a certain amount of time you would think that you wouldn’tshutterstock_208226092 need to define and explain every statement made in a discussion. I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve been in that started from having a simple conversation about something so basic. The more I argue with my fiance, the more I realize that this is not normal. As a matter of fact, I’m more in the disposition that all this arguing is some BS! I’m far from dumb, and my lady is pretty bright, so it can’t be the “words” we use (per-se!). One day thinking (and drinking) trying to figure out why our communication is so toxic, it dawned on me that we have so many unresolved issues that it polarizes our perspective about each other. We talk (argue) with each other from our polarized perspectives, and not a clear conscious regarding the current issue. And because we rarely resolve “current” issues, they become embedded in our past perspectives.

I’m learning to hear my fiance’s words with a degree of compassion and respect. I say compassion because she deserves to be acknowledge for her effort to be truthfully transparent. She is not a woman that shares her intimate thoughts and feelings. She kind of resembles a dude in her lack of articulation about deep emotional expressions. I am also learning that without respect there can be no real consideration for the validity of her thoughts and articulations. Though we function in many respects as a married couple, we have to always contend with the fact that we’re unhitched. And that fact has a direct influence on how we communicate. Especially when it comes to the kids, baby daddies, baby mommas, sex, money, you name it! It can be stressful at times to say the least, but the most important element is the ability to communicate effectively through anything. Despite how much we love each other, our communication is the tool that we have to protect and cultivate the most. Because if our communication is healthy, we can clean any intoxication in our relationship!

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