What’s Up With It?!…Why you still Hatin’ on Baby-Daddy?!
May 26, 2018
Reading Time: 5minutes
My fiance notified me that she needed to talk to one of her kid’s fathers about an important matter. I said OK and continued doing what I was doing. Moments later I asked her how she thought the “conversation“ was going to go over? She shared her concerns, I didn’t reply and continued with what I was doing. I’m sure by now she could tell I was aloof about her having to deal with this guy, but we kept “chill.” Later on that afternoon I was in the backyard preparing the grill for dinner while she was enjoying a small break from the kids, and she asked me what were my thoughts regarding the “conversation” she was going to have with her kid’s father. I stated my concerns, and kept my statement as concise as possible. She shared her reasons for needing to have the “conversation“, and then I let it go. The next morning while I was out running errands my finance text me that she was going to start the “conversation” today. I replied with a “Thumbs Up” emoji. After thinking about it for a moment, I asked myself “What up with it Keith – why you still hatin’ on this man?” I had in mind the character from “Straight Outta Compton” that stopped the school bus, and got into the a$$ of a kid for throwing up gang signs ( I love the movie!). The thought provoked me to wonder how do other PreNup Pops “really” feel about their blended kid’s fathers. Is there some standard position that we should have when it comes to having a relationship (if at all) with baby-dads?
I thought about it for a good lil minute. One of my first issues was that my fiance seems to always be so mindful of this man’s feelings when it comes to anything. Like she so careful not to make this man upset over the smallest thing, and always has a strategy on how she is going to deal with him. I was like “damn!” I don’t see her putting the same energy and effort when dealing with me! When my fiance don’t like something I say, I get “it” with both barrels. She come at me like how Suge Knight did Easy in “Straight Outta Compton” (I told you I love that movie!). No man ever wants to feel like his woman respects another man more than him. I asked myself “why be upset with him (baby dad), and not my fiance?” That issue really doesn’t have anything to do with that dude. The second thing I thought was why does she give so much consideration to him as a father, when she pretty much allows him to be whatever father he wants with little to no accountability. But when it comes to me, she holds my “parenting” for both her girls to a much higher degree of accountability. “And” will call me on it with no hesitation! Again, I was like that’s not that man’s issue, so why do I still feel “some kinda way” towards this guy? My fiance takes consideration for his well being in pretty much all interactions she has with him. She seems to always know what’s going on with this man, but supposedly doesn’t talk to him much. She even knows if he has a new girlfriend, and whatever his living situation is! I continued to ponder the issue, and thought a little deeper. It started to dawn on me that I never rectified within myself that she has intimate history with this man in which she actively utilizes to sustain and “build” her relationship with him – not just as her kid’s father, but as a “friend.”As soon as I had that thought, I immediately felt relieved. I finally had an answer that accurately identify my feelings. I knew that now I could work on my own internal challenges, and determine how to resolve my feeling like a sucka because I couldn’t get over not letting my guard down when it came to homie.
PreNup Poppahood is a challenging game. There is so much to contend with that sometimes you just don’t feel like being bothered. It’s easy to let stuff go, but I’ve learned the hard way that those same issues will come back around – tougher than leather! There is no hiding, nor evading problems when you’re in a blended fam. You’ve got to be able to deal with difficulty, and be tough! PreNup Poppahood is not for soft lil mama’s boys. You got to be able to come with it – errrday!
So on the real, I can’t see how I could be completely comfortable with my fiance being this man’s friend. For starters, she talks different then how she acts with him. She “talks” like she don’t have any feelings for him, and that he is such a non-factor in her life. But whether it’s pick up/drop offs, her voice when speaking with him on the phone, her always knowing what’s going in his personal life, to just her pleasing attitude when talking about the man doesn’t give me confidence that she is being authentic to me about how she really feels about this dude. Trust me when I tell you that I am a very observant man, and I am extremely careful when letting anyone into my “intimate” circle. So when it comes to “friendships” my fiance has (or don’t have), and she wants me to be involved (and she should), I have to be 1000% confident that everybody is on the same page.Anytime I feel something ain’t quite right, I don’t even get involved. I ain’t down with no foolishness! So if my lady not one hun’ed with her “real” true feelings about this dude, I don’t feel I can risk going from being cordial with this man to being supacool and homies. The cray cray about it is that my finance has a history of her ex’s being cool with her new man. As a matter of fact her best friend ISa dude. MaaaaanI ain’t never been that type of dude, and I ain’t about to start now! I can be cordial, and I can be an adult in handling business with no problems. But when it come to being involved with folks on a personal level, I have more requirements that most people don’t want to deal with. I’m cool with that because I don’t mind having just a few friends. As a matter fact, that’s what I prefer. When it comes to my fiance, well, lets just say we’re not the same (no where close).
So what do you do as a PreNup Pops to deal with baby-dads?I say let them dads be free to be dads.I love fatherhood, and would never make it tough on a man to be a daddy. But I don’t have to be that dude’s bestie. And I don’t have to be cool with my woman being that dude’s bestie either! We as PreNup Pops have choices man! We don’t have to accept everything. As long as you are transparent and honest about your boundaries, then you have the full right to expect them to be respected. Blended family is not always about inclusion. If that was the case, it wouldn’t be so many issues with men have multiple relationships with women. We love boundaries, we just want to control who sets and keeps the boundaries, and that’s not realistic. PreNup Pops of the world STAND for yourself, and never let your guard down when it comes to these baby dads or your lady! – “cause you never know – he might be the one to smoke yo a$$” (for all those who love Straight Outta Compton as much as me!)
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and as always I appreciate your time and comments! – Holla at ME!!!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!