Relationships

Why Protect No Respect?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

What does your woman, girlfriend, chic, baby momz, shorty  really expect from you? It’s an important question to ask yourself as a PreNup Pops. If you can’t truthfully and accurately answer that question you done “F’d” up! You are loosing critical ground in your relationship, and setting yourself up for future frustration. No woman is in a relationship with you so you can act like you are still single bruh. Man please, your lady has expectations that she wants you to feel obligated to accommodate (period). Whatever her reasons for the expectations, you better know how to execute and meet “her” level of expectation because she is determining her “respect” for you based on your performance (trust me on that!). I hate to see bruthas frustrated and taken advantage of because they were unwilling to think that their woman would purposely under value and disrespect them out of ignorance and selfishness. Most men I know can’t verbally spar with a woman, so there is pretty much no chance of exhaustively articulating their disdain for why they feel so disrespected. But I can, and I will! It’s imperative as men that we learn how to master our ability to communicate. It’s not our lady’s responsibility to “teach” us how to comprehensively share our thoughts to ensure (we) feel understood, secure and respected. That’s on US, and (we) as PreNup Pops, have to empower one another! I always believed that respect was not performance based. I can understand trust being determined by degree of commitment (performance), but not respect. I deal with people respectfully until they give me a reason not to do so because that’s how I was raised. So I respect my fiance because she is a person. There are no different degrees nor levels of respect in my opinion. Either you respect someone or you don’t; it’s that simple – so I thought!

I take my role as a PreNup Pops seriously. I cut no shorts when it comes to taking care of my obligations as a father-figure. I’m especially hard core when it comes to me being in a relationship with my fiance. I go hard for our relationship in part because we are not married, and I don’t want to feel I’m doing all this s#%t only to lead to nothing. I’ve been married, and I’m not trying to make the same mistake TWICE! So I grind harder in this relationship than I ever did in my first marriage. One particular area that is critical for “us” is establishing boundaries when it comes to my ex-wife. I NEVER want my fiance to worry or feel insecure when it comes to my relationship with my ex-wife. Whenever my finance notifies me that she feels my ex is over extending boundaries, I address it immediately. Even if I don’t agree, or I know it’s going to be an impediment to my co-parenting relationship with my ex, I handle it – strongly!

There are times when I have to make judgment calls when it comes to boundaries with my ex-wife. I always feel confident in my decision making because I don’t hide anything relating to my ex-wife from my fiance. Transparency is critically important to me. At this point my ex-wife, and I only communicate by email. Which is a fall-out decision that20161115_132528 was made (by her) because I continue to strongly enforce boundaries that my fiance “feels” are being violated. I personally feel some of my fiance’s reasons for boundaries are BS. I don’t agree with damaging my co-parenting relationship with my kids mother because my fiance mad that my ex-wife don’t speak to her. I have NEVER asked my fiance not to speak to any of her kid’s father just because of how I personally feel about them. I can distinguish my personal feelings from what is necessary to conduct an effective co-parent situation. My fiance’s kid’s fathers have violated so many boundaries over the last 2 years, it is utterly ridiculous to me that she would compare the 2 situations. I’ve confronted each of the “baby-dads” and my ex-wife with the same degree seriousness. I took on that “obligation” so that my fiance would feel “protected.” But instead of being respected for my hard work and diligence, she feels “unprotected” if I have to make a judgement call with my ex-wife that she don’t agree with. I don’t have a problem with her disagreeing, I have a problem with her feeling “unprotected!” How the hell do you assign protection, or a lack thereof (in her opinion) to not agreeing with a decision. Especially when NONE of the circumstances involve anything personal between me and my ex-wife. All of my dealings with my ex-wife, especially now that the divorce is final, is about the kids (period). How is there a  lack of protection when I established all of the damn boundaries – including the baby dads?!

It’s a damn shame to me to continue to “expectprotection when there is no respect for the work I “already” put down day in and day out. I have too much experience, insight, and understanding to put all of my effort and my relationship in jeopardy because of a lack of accountability. When you’re in a blended family relationships with bio-parents have to be accounted for. There is no getting around dealing with the issues that come from co-parenting with EX’s where extenuating relationships maybe complex. My work and protection of all the boundaries should be respected because it’s right! No man wants to continue to put himself on the line and be used and taken advantage of because of a lack of accountability about “feelings.” Respect my grind! As a PreNup Pops I work hard whether I “feel” like it or not. I uphold boundaries whether I agree with them or not. I don’t let my feelings determine my level of commitment. I’m learning more and more that you have to “respect” yourself enough to demand what you deserve in any relationship. As much I want to withhold my “protection” I don’t because I respect myself enough to live my own truth. Whether married, cohabitation, or agreed arrangement you deserve to be respected because you have value as a person in that relationship. Don’t allow anyone to disrespect you because of a disagreement. There will always be disagreements, but there is only one YOU! – and that’s enough to RESPECT!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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