I know that I can be a very intense dude when it comes to my attitude. I’ve been told all my life “you’re too serious.” My youngest step seedling tells me all the time that I’m “so serious all the time.” My mindset is what it is! I don’t purpose to walk around with some chip on my shoulder to prove how “serious” I can be all day! However, when it comes to my kids, in particular their safety, I don’t play! It’s important to me that my kids feel safe around me. I always want the tone of my home to reflect my demeanor and spirit. All my kids understand that protection isn’t just what I do as a father, but it’s also what we do as a family.“We look after one another.” So when my kids neglect each other, or mistreat each other it’s a very serious offense. Like I said, I don’t play when it comes to protecting my kids, and I especially have zero tolerance for the kids hurting one another.
My 20 month old son is a rambunctious little something. He is mentally and physically strong, especially for his height (I guess I had something to do with that!). He attempts to impose his will in whatever situation he finds himself in. He interacts with his older siblings as if he is their size. He doesn’t take “NO” for an answer, and will communicate (in his own baby language) his disapproval with authority. His older sisters, my step seedlings, have a rough edge as well. So you can imagine there is quite a bit of battling in our crib.
One particular afternoon my son was buckled in his booster seat at the kitchen table. However, his booster seat was not strapped to the chair. While I was in the dining room reviewing my oldest step seedling homework, I heard a loud crash and my son scream with this horrific screech! I jumped up from the dinning room table, ran into the kitchen, and found my son face down on the floor while still strapped into his booster seat. I yelled “What happened?!” to my youngest step seedling that was standing next to him crying. My oldest step seedling frantically explained that her sister attempted to snatch something out of my son’s hand that belonged to his sister, (because of his strength) he didn’t let go, and her force pulled my son and booster seat out of the chair. I – All – Most – Went – Off!I picked my son up, and checked him over to ensure he was not seriously injured. Aside from the crying he seemed to be OK. I turned to my youngest step seedling, took a very deep breath, and told her in calmly, with stern glare, to “go sit on the couch in the family room.” By this time her crying was more excessive than my son, and now my oldest step seedling started crying as well.
I sat in the dinning room with my son in my lap, and thought to myself these are the moments I dread as a blended family. I immediately felt discontent for my youngest step seedling. My instinct was to retaliate despite her age. The degree of rage I felt was so intense that I literally had to remind myself that my step seedling is not my enemy, and that my protection mode is for outsiders not “family.” It was so easy at that moment to disconnect myself from her as “family”because she’s my step seedling, and she hurt my bio-son. I had to exercise restraint in the situation so as to not create loyalty riffs in my crib. Despite my internal struggle, I remained neutral and handled to matter with a calm demeanor. I reminded my step daughter of why I constantly tell her to never snatch things away from her brother. He is still learning how to share, and snatching is not the proper way to repossess anything – especially from her brother.
As a PreNup Pops it’s “always” your responsibility to execute non biased parenting. You have to set the tone for how your fam is going to manage loyalties with fam inside and outside your home. The process of building balanced, fair and equitable relationships in your crib takes time and patience. It’s critical to stay engaged with your kids, so that you can understand how they identify their place within the fam. This will give you an advantage in leading your crib, and minimize the chance of you “going off” when major issues pop off!!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!