For more than a month I haven’t been able to sleep all night. I may sleep for a good 2 or 3 hours then I toss and turn until I finally get up at some God awful time early in the AM. The complete truth is I haven’t slept comfortably since I’ve been separated and now divorced. Not because I miss my ex-wife or I have anguish about the kids, but because I can’t deal with myself. I’m a thinker (and I Virgo…so yea!), I have strong tendencies to “worry” about everything. But my internal drive to improve and recreate myself is deeply inspired by my desire to serve and raise my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a pretty ambitious dude, but my greatest desire since I’ve been a kid is to have a beautiful loving family. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. I actually dreamed of adopting kids, and never getting married well into my teenage years. Parenthood is not just a job for me, it’s the fulfillment of my dreams.However what I believe is my greatest asset, which is my ability to think and create, has been severely disrupted by my lack of patience with “ME!”
How men grieve through divorce is different from women. There are many men who suffer through divorce alone. Regardless of the circumstances that led to the divorce, the process of dealing with loss after the divorce is it’s own challenge. Many of my sleepless nights are a result of lamenting my current inability to adequately invest “time” with my kids. I’ve learned that money is not a substitute for time. Provisions are important, but your presence as a father is essential. Everyday that I don’t spend time with my kids, cost me opportunities I can never regain. My son “needs” his father! My little girl needs the early stages of self-identity and esteem that comes from a strong conscientious father that knows how to impart wisdom. But my process of grieving has failed my ability to remain engaged with me enough to significantly impact my kids. Rather than to waste time, I’ve decided to throughout the scriptedprocess, and embrace where I am in life, and love my kids the best that I can.
I’m done with the sleepless nights, the unanswered questions, feelings of inadequacy, and feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been blessed with an opportunity to parent 3 great kids from my blended family. My son is amazing (just like his dad), and my step seedling daughters are beautiful bright spirits that are destine for greatness. I refuse to let myself deny them the opportunity to experience my creative gifts of parenting because I won’t get out of my own way. They deserve the best their “parents” have to offer. As much as I love my kids, I love myself more. And I love myself enough to invest in me with the same passion I invest in my kids. As a PreNup Pops you can’t love your kids more than you love yourself. Loving yourself, and being done with your inefficiencies, is the higher call for every passionate parent.
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!