This is a tough post to write. I have such strong feelings of angst and vitriol toward my kid’s mother that I don’t know if I can share my thoughts with some level of dignity. I absolutely abhor the fact that I no longer see my school age kids every day. My divorce has only been final for a couple of months, but the sting of it’s reality is like a tragic dream that plays over and over in my mind. The greatest difficulty is dealing with the mental anguish of not seeing my 6 year old daughter, and 13 year old son every day. I’ve been separated from the my ex-wife for more that 2 and a half years, but the process of emotionally adjusting to not seeing my babies on a daily basis has been horrendous to say the least. I had to fight like hell for visitation at my house, and went through all types for BS’ness to justify my “right” to be involved without alienating my new blended family. I battled issues of depression from not being able to adequately deal with my separation anxiety. The level of stress was at times emotionally debilitating.
My major breakthrough was finally holding myself accountable for my own recovery.
After many sleepless nights, and countless lonely hours walking the beach, I accepted the reality that I no longer live with my kids. I forced myself to understand that my role and function as a father has permanently changed forever! The finality of that reality helped me to emotionally move forward. Although I experienced momentary relapses, I continued to progress in my new paradigm daily.
Often times as men we don’t get the luxury of emotional support and tolerance as women going through similar circumstances. The inequality of support resources for men grieving through father separation anxiety is egregious. I suffered through my process of healing mostly alone! Despite the best efforts of my fiance, her intentions were woefully inadequate. It’s wasn’t her fault because she did the best that she could, but there was no possible way for her meet my needs. However, she was instrumental in encouraging me to keep fighting for my own sanity, and continuing to keep the pressure on my ex-wife for visitation with my kids. (I’m so grateful to my fiance for her support!)
After close to a year of intense negotiations and persistent effort, I was finally granted scheduled visitation. But the greater victory, if you will, for me was getting my ‘mind” back. I finally made the transition from being interdependent on my kids, to independent from my kids. I learned that my independence didn’t make me insignificant. I began to initiate my own plan to integrate my kids into my new blended family. Despite my apprehensions about blending my kids, I determined within myself to remain confident in the process, and embrace the journey. Although there are many challenges that still persist, I continue to refine my emotional health. I now realize that I’m worth fighting for, and that my kids will grow to appreciate my efforts as a dad!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!