When Boundaries become Barriers…

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Often times I feel the need to protect my blended family from outside circumstances that are not always a threat. However, after 21 years of parenting and 17 years in a previous marriage, it’s hard to break old habits. I’ve always felt it was my job, and duty to ensure that the health of my household was supremely protected. I feel the essential task of any father is to cultivate an environment for the kids that’s conducive for independence, development and maturity. Now that I am a father-figure to seedlings that are not my bio-kids it’s difficult, damn near impossible, to not “allow” space for the bio-dads. Honestly it feels unnatural to allow another man to have indirect influence in what happens in “my” household. It’s even more challenging when the bio-dads don’t appear to be aware of what impact they have on the environment in my crib. I can immediately recognize the difference in my youngest step-daughter when she returns from her visit with her father. She’s only 5 years old, but her language skills are far advanced for her20170818_163052_Film5 age. She also is very keen to social circumstances that “should” be reserved for adults. However, when she comes back home she can be loud, rambunctious, and very “sassy.” Which is every attribute that is not allowed for a child in our fam. I be like “damn, I got at least 13 more years for dealing with this shiznyee!” I work hard to provide leadership in cultivating an environment where my fiance can nurture and mentor her young girls into womanhood. It’s not easy to be “neutral” as a partner, but still give 110% as a PreNup Pop. I grind hard for my fam, and am always working to improve the quality of my household.

There are moments when I share with my fiance my “concerns” in what the kids are expose to when they’re with their fathers, their father’s friends or extended family. I am very conservative because of my background in ministry (which I no longer practice), however I incorporate many of those ideals into how I function as a PNP. My fiance is very liberal so you can imagine how many of our “holy conversations” end up. Although, we work hard to “blend” our parenting values, my drive to parent “our” kids with a sense of purpose and direction can be over bearing at times. I honestly don’t know any other way of parenting. “Pray for me!”

Since my fiance and I have starting “blending” our families I learned to be meticulously mindful of every nuance of her parenting “philosophies.” Which is…wait for it…you guest it, she has none! At least not any that she could concisely articulate (I bet she is going to comment about this). Ironically the beauty of our relationship, and family is that despite our extreme differences, we above all things embrace our “freedom” of individuality. Because we as a couple don’t allow our personal individuality to become dependent upon each other, we parent the same way. We teach our kids to embrace who they are as individuals, while teaching them the discipline of self-governance. So as much as I desire to build a big a$$ “boundary around “our” fam, I don’t want to construct a “barrier that excludes the bio-dads from investing their contribution to “their” kids. While I love my fiance’s daughters, I still contemplate daily my “responsibility” to allow a safe place for their “Pops” to engage their daughters with a sense of ownership. After all, I’m a “Pops” as well, and my love for fatherhood would never allow me to be a “barrier” to a loving dad who is just trying to understand his place in the “boundaries.”

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

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