I’m not a big proponent of letting kids resolve their own problems. I’m old school and was raised primarily by my mother, but spent quite a bit of time with my (military) grand parents. So getting the option to settle issues with cousins without adult intervention was unheard of. My grand mother ran her household like she was Colin Powell preparing for the Gulf War. So if anything broke out at the crib, she was on it – quick, fast and in a hurry! So needless to say I don’t allow a lot off “we don’t know who did it” nonsense at the crib.
It was my day to pick up the girls from school. So in usual fashion I let the girls have some outside playtime before for homework. I was in the house getting dinner prepared, and no more than 5 minutes later I heard the back door open. I was like “damn, they s#%t going on already?!” My oldest step-seedling commence to telling this story about how her hula hoop got broken. Mind you the jank was already on it’s last leg, so I really didn’t care so much about her lil’ hula hoop. However, none of the little 3 angels knew who broke the hula hoop. In mind I was like “really?” They must think I’m a damn fool. So I asked the 2 youngest girls, who were directly involved, did they break the hula hoop. My bio-daughter said NO! My youngest step-seedling started into this long explanation which I abruptly cut off. So I paused and looked at all of them with this stern look. So I asked, each girl this time, did they break the hula hoop! They ALL said no. So I replied “everybody getting spankings!” I told them to head to my home office to get ready to get these butt spankings. Before my bio-daughter could take 3 steps, she raised her hand high in the air and said she did it! I told the other girls to go back out side.
I honestly never believed that my bio-daughter broke the hula hoop. So I asked her to explain what happened and she couldn’t. I informed her that I didn’t approve of lying, and in my house lying in punished with a spanking. So I spanked her with a small ruler that I use to discipline the kids. It hurt to have to spank my daughter because I had only spanked her once prior to that experience and she will be 7 this year.
A few days later my fiance and the kids were in the back yard hanging out. I came outside to see what they were up to. There was a conflict they were working out with their mother that seemed to be under control when I got out there. So my oldest step-seedling said something that lit me on fire. She said “Keith, you don’t know this but Laylah (my bio-daughter) said the only reason she admitted to breaking the hula hoop was because she didn’t want to see them get into trouble.” So my fiance asked her youngest daughter did she break the hula hoop, and she said no! I didn’t believe her one bit. I was upset because 1. my fiance didn’t react like it was a big deal, after telling me that I show favorites with my daughter 2. My fiance’s daughter just admitted that the issue was incorrectly resolved 3. I spanked my daughter not because I believed she really did wrong, but to save face with her and her kids.
I felt like I failed my daughter. I hate to expend emotional real estate with my daughter when I’m trying to rebuild my relationship with her. I’m not the custodial parent, so it’s hard to gain back the closeness, and intimacy I once had with my daughter now that I have 3 additional kids to father. I realized in that moment that it’s OK to be biased toward the TRUTH! I don’t have to prove to my fiance, nor her kids that I’m fair. My actions and work speak for themselves. I understand that blended fams have to deal with unique dynamics, but not at the expense of my integrity as a PNP. Love ALL your kids, and “fairness” will balance itself out over time!
What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!