Blending Issues

You Can’t Win their Loyalty!

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Being in a blended family is tough. Especially when you don’t have the complete luxury of knowing your blended kids from birth. I struggle all the time with not being so comfortable with the kids that I forget that they are not my kids. I know that sounds oxymoronic, but peep me of this! I’ve been in the parenting game so long that I’ve settled into my parenting style and philosophies for the most part. I’ve been a parent for 21 years. I’m confident I’ve learned a thing or two, or three, whatever! But I function with my fiance’s kids the same way I did with my bio-kids. I don’t care much about kids feelings (in a manipulative way), I parent by a set vision I have for my household, and I execute with consistency. But somehow I have failed to realize that kids don’t give 2 s#%ts about none of that. As a matter of fact, they probably would prefer that the “Disney Dad” version of my parenting and chuck the rest! Nonetheless, I still try to appease the kids when I can to earn some “points”, or leverage cause I am a business man, so that the kids can see I do have a “human” side.

One day the kids asked their momz for a snack, and she immediately said no. They had20170930_145907_HDR been on her nerves all evening. I sort of felt bad for them because they had been outside most of the afternoon with me. So I decided to play super PNP, and sneak some graham crackers out side, and let the kids eat them joints in the shed. I was about to cook on the grill anyway, so I figured “forget momz, I’m the man today.” They enjoyed the crackers, but I think they enjoyed eating the crackers behind their momz back more. I figured I’d won some major props, and this would put me one up in the game – so I thought!

Literally 2 days later I picked the girls up early, along with my bio-daughter, from school as I usually do on Tuesday (they go to the same school – how convenient!). My oldest blended joint comes down the hall with her hands up loud as hell talking about “hey I’m going to miss the ice cream party, why you picking me up early?!” I told her calm down, and asked her “what did she want me to do?!” I wasn’t about to come back and pick her up, so I got back on my phone a finish my FB time while I waited for my other girls.  When I thought about it later, I was like “man, how soon they forget!” But the truth is kids are kids, and for the most part selfish! Ain’t no graham crackers ’bout to win me any loyalty! I’m foolin’ my damn self. The only thing you can be as a PNP is consistent and loving! Nothing more and nothing less. In the end it’s not loyalty you’re after, but respect!

What's good fam!!! I'm a divorced father of (8), and currently engaged to the most beautiful joint I've every seen! Let me break it down (6) kids are my bio-seedlings, and the other (2) sweet-hearts belong my soon-to-be wife! I'm an entrepreneur (hustler), and author. Fatherhood is my calling and passion. This blog is for My G's that hold it down for their "blended" fam, but haven't taking them nuptials. I'm all about empowering fathers and building strong families!

0 Comments

  • heysis27

    I agree with this. Loyalty can never be earned when there’s a biological parent in that position, even if they don’t deserve it. Respect, on the other hand, can be. In my opinion, respect is a foundational element of loyalty anyway. So the goal has to always be respect

    • PreNupPop

      Certainly, respect is optimal in any relationship, particularly with kids in a blended family. Loyalty is a sign of deep value that reveals a person’s heart toward another. Unfortunately, that’s rare – especially in a blended family!

      • heysis27

        When loyal has to be split between two people occupying the same position I’m not sure that it always reveals the value one person equates with another. You have to work twice as hard to essentially knock the other person out of their spot. In the case of a blended family, loyalty will look different now to everyone involved.

        • PreNupPop

          I don’t particularly believe “loyalty” can be split in the same position. You’re loyal to that person, or you’re not. Who/whatever is valued the most will receive the loyalty. Loyalty, unfortunately, for some is not “earned.” It’s often times granted upon “false” pretenses; which rarely are ever dealt with!

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